Thursday, August 6, 2015

Superhero of the day: Wolverine is a Jerk and he smells like Beer.


     I hate Wolverine!  I say that knowing that the comic has finally killed him off.  I've hated Wolverine for decades.  I hate Australian Animated Wolverine, I hate Zombie Wolverine, I hate Ultimate Hipster Wolverine, I like Hugh Jackman, but I hate movie Wolverine.
     It started in a strange panel in issue 180 of the Hulk.  Wolverine, an agent of the Canadian government with claws and heightened senses and the ability to heal quickly, was sent to investigate Hulk sightings.  
     
     Wolverine was short and angry and dangerous.  He was meant to serve his purpose, fight the Hulk and join the ranks of the forgotten.
     At this point, I don't hate him yet.
     Wolverine failed to enter obscurity and ended up joining an emergency group of Mutants put together to find the original X-Men.
     I still don't hate him
     Wolverine in WWII sans costume and known as Logan, teams with Captain America to save the baby who would grow up to be the Black Widow from...I can't, it's too painful.
     Wolverine's healing factor has now kept him alive since before the Second World War.  I am starting to hate him.
     The healing factor was supposed to speed his ability to heal, not make him immortal.  But fanboy writer after fanboy write has amped up the healing factor so that he's tougher than Superman
     Wolverine has taken a free fall jump from a spaceship entering the atmosphere and lived.  He has survived an atomic explosion.  In the Ultimate Universe, he was ripped in half by the Hulk and returned good as new a mere 3 weeks later.  He has had the metal ripped from his body and lived.  In the movies he's taken a bullet to the head.

     Wolverine is now boring because there is no risk of him dying, no insurmountable odds to overcome.  All that's left is his winning personality.  He drinks, he smokes, gets into bar fights, curses,hangs out with dubious characters...how the Hell did Wolverine get to be a role model.  It's not like anybody else in the mutant community is responsible.  Apparently no one notices that trouble finds this guy no matter where he goes, and yet, he's the mentor to most of the impressionable young mutant girls in the Mavel Universe.

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